Former House Minority Whip and cattle wrangler Richard Holtorf has lassoed himself the title of Vice Chair of the Colorado GOP after a chaotic online meeting that made a middle school food fight look organized. In a piece by Ernest Luning for Colorado Politics, we get a front-row seat to the Zoom-induced migraine that was the state GOP’s attempt to replace Darrel Phelan, who rage-quit last month over being sidelined by party chair Brita Horn. Holtorf beat Mark “Grassroots ‘Til I Die” Hampton by just 11 votes in a meeting marinated in dysfunction, distrust, and more procedural bickering than a damn HOA.
The Bullet Point Brief
- The Zoom from Hell: The meeting, livestreamed like some deranged Twitch channel, was a circus of “points of order,” ignored hand raises, and shouted pleas for sanity. Basically a GOP séance where the only thing that came back from the dead was everyone’s political will to live.
- Holtorf Wins by a Nose Hair: Holtorf ekes out a 52% win over grassroots pitbull Mark Hampton, who brought the fire but not the votes. Holtorf tried to sell “unity” and “strategy,” while Hampton basically said, “Burn it all down.”
- GOP: Grand Old Punchline: The Colorado GOP is split like a cheap piñata at a toddler’s birthday — one half trying to run campaigns, the other half trying to reenact Game of Thrones with Robert’s Rules of Order.
- Boebert Picks a Loser (Again): Lauren Boebert backed Hampton, because of course she did. The other three GOP House members went with Holtorf, probably in a rare moment of clarity not involving conspiracy rants.
- Post-Mortem via Facebook Meltdown: After losing, Hampton channeled his inner Alex Jones, calling the meeting a “clown car pileup” and a “Zoom Muppet Show.” Which, to be fair, is honestly the most accurate thing said all night.
My Bottom Line
You want to know why the Great Suburban Normie is fleeing politics like it’s an open mic night at an anti-vax rally? Look no further than this four-hour Zoom descent into madness. This wasn’t governance. It wasn’t strategy. It was a digital cockfight between factions too obsessed with purity tests and procedural knife fights to notice their voter base is doing the political equivalent of ghosting them. If you sat through it, you deserve a medal and a psychiatric evaluation. If the Colorado GOP wants to claw its way out of the basement, they need less cosplay revolution and more grown-ass leadership. Until then, they’re just content creators for Democratic campaign ads.
