The Variety article “‘Happy Gilmore 2’ swings big with 46.7 million views in just three days,” by Joe Otterson and Rebecca Rubin, celebrates the movie’s record-breaking Netflix debut. But after watching it, you and Julie came away thinking: “We just traded two hours of our lives—and I’m a little dumber for it.” Yet beneath the cringey cameos and groan-induced laughs, there was something surprisingly un-woke and redeeming at its core.
The Bullet Point Brief
- Record-Setting Snooze Fest
With 46.7 million views over three days, it became Netflix’s biggest U.S. opening ever. Clearly, not everyone agreed with me on being “dumber after watching it.’ - Critics Mostly Tilt Left…
Rotten Tomatoes gave it around 65–70 percent. Better than most Sandler flops, but not exactly Oscar-worthy. - Nostalgia Overload with Cameo Overkill
Every PGA star, celebrity cameo, Waterboy callback, and family cameo tossed in. Entertaining, maybe, but also scattershot and exhausting. - Happy’s Story Is About Fall and Redemption
This time Happy is a grief-stricken alcoholic single dad who loses everything and works to earn redemption by providing for his daughter. A straight plot arc, no sensitivity training required. - No Virtue Signaling in Sight
No DEI lecture. No woke sermons. Just a flawed guy working hard for family, redeeming himself, not demonizing him for his mistakes.
My Bottom Line
Look, Julie and I absolutely ragged on it: two hours wasted, felt like my brain took a hit. But you know what? At least they didn’t slide in virtue signaling or fake woke redemption arc. Happy Gilmore falls from his pedestal, fights alcohol, loses his wife, almost goes bankrupt—yet he fights back, earns his comeback for his family, and it feels earned. In today’s culture? That’s radical. In woke storytelling, you fall once and you’re canceled for eternity. Here, Happy screws up, suffers, and redeems himself the old-fashioned way: with grit, grit, and some golf swings. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t entirely a waste of brain cells.
And John Daly was in it. A lot. And I do love me some John Daly.
