The Greeley Tribune’s glowing fluff piece about Greeley’s path to the future feels less like news and more like a Whole Foods fever dream. It’s filled with consultant buzzwords, vague visions of ‘sustainability,’ and starry-eyed admiration for walkable city schemes that look like they were yanked off the back of a Boulder bumper sticker. The article tries real hard to sell this as the inevitable evolution of our town—but if it smells like a compostable tote bag full of bureaucratic BS, it’s probably exactly that.
The Bullet Point Brief
- Step aside pickup trucks—apparently sneakers are the new infrastructure.
- “Walkability” has replaced water rights as our top priority—I wish I was kidding.
- Staff at City Hall pushing more sustainability pitches than a Tesla sales team.
- Greeley council sounds conservative… but someone in the building’s chewing on granola.
My Bottom Line
Look—I’m all for healthy communities and options for how we move around. Want to walk to the grocery store? Great. Take your bike downtown? Go wild. But when ‘walkability’ becomes code for ‘get rid of cars,’ we’ve jumped the ideological shark straight into fantasy land where your Subaru charges itself from good vibes and tofu farts.
What we’re seeing is less about community planning and more about ideology dressed up as progress. A ‘sustainable’ city should be one where grandma can still get to her damn doctor’s appointment without hauling groceries on foot like it’s 1930. Mixed-use? Sure. Multi-modal transit options? Absolutely. But let me be clear—not one mode should ever be sacrificed for another just because some urban planning firm sold a ‘vision plan’ with fancy fonts and no common sense.
Here’s what really grinds my gears: Greeley residents didn’t ask for this stuff pushed out of staff meetings stamped with buzzwords cooked up by East Coast think tanks who wouldn’t last five minutes in a Colorado winter without DoorDash. Our citizens value freedom—freedom to live and move how they choose. Walking is fine. Being forced to comply with ideological nonsense disguised as environmental stewardship? Not so much.
City Council, I know most of you share my conservative backbone—but your staffers are spoon-feeding us soup from the climate cult cookbook. Time to clean out the pantry before this city turns into Fort Collins Lite.
