Biden’s Justice Department just ran a Hail Mary pardon play using an autopen—and no, that’s not a joke from The Onion. According to the Washington Examiner, Biden signed off (sorta) on a flurry of last-minute pardons with the help of staffers wielding mechanical signatures like it’s a student loan deferment form. Apparently, this bureaucratic speedrun is what passes for due process in D.C. these days.
The Bullet Point Brief
- Joe Biden approved last-minute pardons using an autopen—because nothing says justice like outsourcing your signature.
- Staffers typed up clemency paperwork just hours before the deadline… because nothing screams “well thought out” like scrambling to rubber-stamp people out of prison.
- The White House defended the use of the autopen as legal. Alrighty then—so is drunk shopping on Amazon, but that doesn’t make it smart.
- The administration did this quietly over Christmas weekend—because of course they did.
My Bottom Line
Look, I hate getting sucked into the national clown show—I really do—but holy hell, this stunt deserves a roast. Using an autopen to breeze through last-minute clemency decisions? That’s not leadership—that’s what you do when you’re too lazy to handwrite grandma’s birthday card. Remember when these kinds of decisions used to be sacred and rare? Now it’s just another mass-production line in the White House sausage factory.
This sort of rushed nonsense is exactly why Americans have unplugged their trust from almost every institution in this country. It feels more like reality TV than actual governance—even Epstein’s shady legal team would be impressed by this level of procedural acrobatics. If we can’t trust our leaders to pick up a damn pen and own their decisions, then what else are they phoning in? Health care? Border security? Is Kamala replying “LOL” with a thumbs-up emoji while approving budgets?
The social contract is broken—shattered into so many pieces even duct tape won’t help—and every time D.C. pulls crap like this behind closed doors over holiday weekends, faith erodes faster than California dirt during El Niño. This country deserves better than carbon-copy justice from bureaucrats treating mercy like year-end report card signatures.
