My First Cigar: How the Madness Began
You never forget your first time.
(And no, I’m not talking about that first time, you degenerates.)
I was paired up with an old guy on the golf course — you know the type: khaki pants, permanent tan, swing smoother than a Sinatra track. Halfway through the round, he reaches into his bag and offers me a cigar like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And when I say offered, I mean offered with rules — because he had to show me everything: how to cut it, how to light it, how to smoke it without looking like I was trying to suck a watermelon through a garden hose.
It wasn’t just about the smoke. It was the whole ritual: the unwrapping, the slow cut, the careful toast, the patient puffing. That one cigar led me down a thirty-plus-year love affair with premium, hand-rolled tobacco that still hasn’t let up. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything — not even a lower golf handicap.
Because cigars aren’t just about the flavor.
They’re about time, ritual, relaxation, and respect.
Why I Love Cigars (And Why You Will Too)
Sure, the taste matters — deep earth, roasted coffee, chocolate, pepper, spice, sweetness… real cigars taste like the stories your grandfather never got around to telling.
But it’s the ritual that locks you in:
- Selecting the right cigar like it’s a weapon of choice.
- Cutting it just right — a small ceremony of precision.
- Toasting it, letting the first gentle embers bring it alive.
- Savoring the first draw — patient, measured, reverent.
When you’re smoking a cigar, you’re not rushing.
You’re not doomscrolling.
You’re present.
Cigars demand your time — and in a world addicted to cheap dopamine hits, that’s a revolution.
Quick Tips for Noobs (Welcome to the Family)
Here’s the deal: nobody’s judging you. We were all noobs once.
But if you want to jump in without looking like you escaped from a clown car, here’s your game plan:
1. The Cut
First rule: Don’t chop your cigar like you’re opening a bag of beef jerky.
- Straight Cut: Most common. Use a guillotine-style cutter. Chop just the cap — that little rounded end — not half the damn cigar.
- V-Cut: A “V” notch slice. Makes for a cooler, concentrated draw. Great for thicker sticks.
- Punch Cut: Pokes a perfect circle into the cap. Clean. Less messy. Feels like you’re operating high-end spy gear.
🗣️ Pro Tip: Always cut above the shoulder of the cigar. If you cut too low, it’ll unravel faster than your New Year’s resolutions.
2. The Light
This isn’t a campfire. You’re not trying to torch it into oblivion.
- Use a butane torch lighter or wooden matches (no Bic lighters unless you want your cigar tasting like an armpit).
- Toast the foot (the open end) first — keep the flame just close enough to heat it without touching it. Spin it slowly.
- Once toasted, draw gently while you bring the flame closer, rotating as you puff.
🗣️ Pro Tip: Sir Winston Churchill once said, “A cigar is to be lit with reverence — and only once.” Respect the man. Respect the cigar.
3. The Smoke
Noobs tend to either:
- Puff like a steam train on meth, or
- Suck so hard you wonder if they’re trying to recreate a tornado.
Here’s how to do it:
- Puff, don’t inhale. You’re tasting, not mainlining it.
- Sip the smoke. Let it dance in your mouth. Blow it out gently.
- Go slow. One puff every 30 seconds to a minute is ideal. If you’re trying to keep up with your cigarette buddy, you’re doing it wrong.
4. The Finish
When you’re done, let the cigar die a dignified death.
No stamping it out like a cigarette.
No mashing it into the ashtray like you’re putting out a dumpster fire.
- Just set it down.
- Let it quietly go out on its own.
🗣️ Pro Tip: Real smokers respect the cigar — from birth to death.
5. Other Critical Noob Survival Tips
- Don’t lick your cigar. You’re not a dog in heat. There’s no reason to slobber all over it.
- Fix an uneven burn: Rotate the slower burning side upward. Heat rises, and the uneven burn usually self-corrects.
- If it goes out: Just relight it the same way you lit it the first time — gently toasting the foot, puffing it back to life. No shame, just class.
The Top 5 Beginner Cigars (Because Starting Right Matters)
Here’s your noob starter kit. Five cigars that won’t kick your teeth in, but will open the door to the good life:
1. Romeo y Julieta Reserva Real Toro
- Price: ~$9–11
- Flavor Profile: Toasted almonds, cedar, smooth cream.
- Strength: Mild to Medium
- Size: 6″ x 54
- Why You Need It:
Elegant, approachable, smooth as hell — like sipping bourbon with Sinatra. - Buy It: JR Cigars
2. Arturo Fuente 858 Natural
- Price: ~$7–9
- Flavor Profile: Nutty, earthy, slight sweetness.
- Strength: Mild to Medium
- Size: 6″ x 47
- Why You Need It:
A classic. If you don’t love this, maybe cigars aren’t your thing. - Buy It: Neptune Cigar
3. Oliva Connecticut Reserve Robusto
- Price: ~$6–8
- Flavor Profile: Creamy coffee, light wood, subtle spice.
- Strength: Mild
- Size: 5″ x 50
- Why You Need It:
Super smooth, won’t wreck your palate, perfect for morning or chill sessions. - Buy It: Cigars International
4. Perdomo Champagne 10th Anniversary Robusto
- Price: ~$8–10
- Flavor Profile: Honey, cream, toasty cedar.
- Strength: Mild to Medium
- Size: 5″ x 54
- Why You Need It:
Silky, luxurious, and exactly what you need to feel like you’re doing something right with your life. - Buy It: Thompson Cigar
5. Avo Classic No. 2
- Price: ~$10–12
- Flavor Profile: Soft pepper, sweet cream, breadiness.
- Strength: Mild to Medium
- Size: 6″ x 50
- Why You Need It:
Avo is like jazz in cigar form — smooth, soulful, and something you need to experience firsthand. - Buy It: Davidoff of Geneva
Final Draw
If you’re new to cigars, welcome.
You just joined a club older, cooler, and way more forgiving than any golf membership or whiskey tasting room.
Light up. Relax. Learn. Screw up a few times. Laugh about it. Light another one.
You’re not just smoking a cigar — you’re carving out a little piece of the world that belongs only to you.
And trust me, brother — there’s nothing better than that.
🔥💨🥃
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