Alright, folks, gather ’round, because today we’re diving into the nightmare that is horror movies. Yes, horror—the genre that was apparently created to remind us why it’s better to just stay home with the lights on and the doors bolted shut. I personally think people who watch these films for fun have a few screws loose, but hey, I’m a big believer in freedom (even the freedom to terrify yourself for no reason). So, without further ado, here are the top 10 horror movies of all time, according to people who enjoy having nightmares on purpose.
1. The Shining (1980)
IMDB: The Shining
Ah yes, a classic. “The Shining” is the story of what happens when you take a writer, stick him in an isolated hotel with his family, and let supernatural shenanigans ensue. It’s basically a “family vacation gone wrong” nightmare, except with more homicidal rage and creepy twin girls. If I had to stay at the Overlook Hotel, I’d demand my money back before Jack Nicholson even got a chance to wield that axe.
2. Halloween (1978)
IMDB: Halloween
This is the movie that makes you realize how unsafe suburbs can really be. Michael Myers is the boogeyman that never leaves, and he doesn’t even run—because why would he? He’s got all the time in the world, and he knows you can’t escape. Honestly, my strategy would be to move to a different zip code, but hey, maybe that’s just me.
3. The Exorcist (1973)
IMDB: The Exorcist
Oh, you think kids are scary? Try one possessed by a demon. “The Exorcist” is every parent’s worst nightmare—except there’s no amount of parenting books that can prepare you for a child’s head doing a full 360. This one comes with projectile vomit and the kind of language that would make a sailor blush. Honestly, I’m surprised anyone who’s seen it can sleep without a nightlight.
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
IMDB: A Nightmare on Elm Street
Sleep? What’s that? “A Nightmare on Elm Street” is the gift that keeps on giving—if you define gifts as reasons to stay awake for the rest of your life. Freddy Krueger, the man with the knives for fingers, loves to hunt you down in your dreams, and spoiler alert: there’s no escape. So, I guess the message is to invest in caffeine stocks.
5. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
IMDB: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
If you thought your road trips were bad, imagine stumbling upon a house of cannibals led by a guy wearing a mask made of human skin. “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” is a PSA on why you should never, ever, take the backroads. Leatherface and his chainsaw are what nightmares are made of, and no, that’s not a metaphor.
6. Psycho (1960)
IMDB: Psycho
Remember when a nice motel used to be a safe haven? “Psycho” made sure that was no longer the case. Between the creepy owner and his mother (who’s apparently always watching), this movie ensures you’ll be checking behind shower curtains for the rest of your life. Alfred Hitchcock really set the bar for making sure no one feels safe anywhere—thanks for that, Hitch.
7. Hereditary (2018)
IMDB: Hereditary
This one’s for the new generation of horror lovers who apparently enjoy slow-burn nightmares and family trauma. “Hereditary” makes you feel like you’re going crazy right alongside the characters, and just when you think it can’t get worse, it absolutely does. So if you’re into psychological horror that also messes with your sleep schedule, this one’s for you. I’ll pass, thanks.
8. It (2017)
IMDB: It
What’s scarier than clowns? Evil, sewer-dwelling clowns who know all your childhood fears. “It” has Pennywise, the literal embodiment of nightmares, proving once again that Stephen King has a personal vendetta against his readers’ sleep schedules. If a creepy clown ever invited me to a party, I’d RSVP with a hard “no.”
9. The Conjuring (2013)
IMDB: The Conjuring
Here’s a movie about a haunted house that makes you want to burn every piece of furniture you own, just in case. “The Conjuring” features ghost hunters who seem way too enthusiastic about spending their time in cursed basements. I don’t know about you, but if my house started making ghost noises, I’d move out and never look back.
10. Alien (1979)
IMDB: Alien
Space is supposed to be the final frontier, not the final nightmare. “Alien” is a perfect example of why we should just leave space alone. The tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream” is spot-on—because there’s nothing worse than being trapped with a man-eating creature that loves dark, claustrophobic spaces. I’m perfectly fine keeping my feet planted on Earth, thank you very much.
So there you have it: ten ways to ensure you never sleep again and develop a healthy fear of clowns, clanking pipes, and dark basements. Personally, I’ll stick to comedies and leave the horror to the experts (and the thrill-seekers with nerves of steel).
