Since this is a cigar story, I feel like I need to share what I’m smoking - a Perdomo (of course it is) 10th Anniversary Champagne Reserve with a cup of coffee. It’s Folgers. We realized late at night a few months back that we were out of coffee. Tragic. So that quick trip to 7-Eleven yielded a can of old-school Folgers. I call it the “emergency coffee.” It’s there when we run out of the good stuff. This morning, we were out of the good stuff. King Soopers delivers at 9:00. #FirstWorldProblems. On to the story…
Social media. One day when I go to glory – or perhaps before – I’ll learn that the devil’s finest tool – his greatest creation – was social media. It magnifies his tried and true bag of tricks – pride, envy, greed, lust – and places it in the palm of your hand.
Thankfully, I have been on it less since I left the radio business. But I will pick it up and do some death scrolling. It fed me a “memory” this morning of a Facebook post I did on Father’s Day four years ago. Let me share that post here…
This kid.
He made me a father. Well, in technicality. But not in practice. But am I a good father? Do I show patience? Offer lessons and wisdom? Companionship? Or do I just win bread?
Settle in for a rambling, perhaps disjointed post. But for some reason I feel led to share this.
I always struggle on Father’s Day. My dad is a good man, but since I was age 7, life’s circumstances have kept him distant – both physically and relationally.
So I have struggled with male role models. Indeed, I have struggled with understanding “how to be a man.”
My maternal grandfather, Kent Noble Carbaugh, was probably my biggest male influence – and he passed when I was 17. My middle name is Kent – I always use my middle intitial in documents – “Scott K. James” – as a little tribute to him. He had a third grade education, but taught me that intellect is not just developed in school and wisdom is not solely acquired from books and PHDs.
“Can’t never did anything,” “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right,” and “fish where the fish are” are grandfatherly pearls of wisdom that I carry with me to this day.
My ag teacher, Doug Butler, was the first man to truly show me the potential I possess and exactly what I could accomplish if I just made up my mind to do the work. To this day, Mr. Butler is the reason I believe in the inherent ability and unlimited potential of every person on this planet. I believe that – I believe in YOU!
My father-in-law, David Wood, showed me what it was truly like to be a man of integrity and the power of kindness and virtue of service. Honesty. A commitment to the truth. Thanks, David, for those lessons.
And then there is Jesus Christ. I FEEL Him with me – always. He is ALWAYS there. Sometimes in front of me. Often beside me. Sometimes behind. But He is always there. I hope you know what a comfort that is. And the lessons learned? Let your yes be yes and your no be no. LOVE – richly, abundantly, without condition and without expectation of return. Love. And leave the judgement to His Father, because you ain’t qualified.
Oh, and forgiveness. That’s a big lesson from JC. Forgive every person, every transgression, either real or perceived, without hesitation or condition. Forgive and love.
I may be an average father and a pretty average guy – but I strive to be better. Every day.
And dads – we need to strive. Why? Because the world is on fire and my “fix” may not be overly popular or PC, but let me offer it anyway.
The world needs dads.
Actively involved in their families and communities. Loving. Teaching. Learning. Doing. PRESENT. And not just present, BOLDLY PRESENT. With a commitment to honesty, integrity, virtue, and the truth.
Dads, the world needs you, more than ever. Can we band together and lovingly seek solutions and the truth?
I’m in.
Happy Father’s Day. To my dad and the dads that can bring peace to a troubled world if we believe and love and forgive and seek that which is right and He who is righteous.
I didn’t post anything about Father’s Day last Sunday. I still struggle with that day. My father died this year a week before Father’s Day. In a couple of weeks, I’ll fly to Orlando to be with his family there to memorialize a man dearly missed be them, and missed, but regrettably not well known, by me.
While it may be difficult – and while I did not heed the advice I am about to offer – I’ll offer it anyway: Fathers, know your sons. Sons, know your fathers. I believe that begins with knowing THE Father – the one who lives in heaven.
Additionally, the stories of the tribulations we have had with this precious son in the last four years could fill volumes. One day – when both he and I are ready – we’ll tell those stories. Bottom line: I question if I have failed as a father daily. Perhaps I have. I should have been tougher – but he was our one and only precious son and I wanted him to have the world. Problem is – I gave it to him. He didn’t earn it. My regrets could fill volumes.
I still hold true to the belief that the answer to much of what plagues our world is for men to be men – Biblical men – and for fathers to be fathers – Biblical fathers.
It ain’t easy, but as I have written in these pages, it’s not about comfort, it’s about commitment. Men, we must man up.
