Advice to an 18-year-old

Julie and I were married a little later in life. I was 34 and she was 33 when we entered our union. She was at Frontier Airlines at the time and I enjoyed the, “marry me, fly for free” perk. We traveled and lived and woke up one day and found out we were 40. So we tried and tried and tried to have kids. We couldn’t.

One day I’ll write about sitting in a fertility doc’s office and hearing the news that there is less than a 1% chance you’ll have babies. That was a tough day. But you deal with it and decide that there are kiddos right here at home that need love and a home.

We adopted Jack through Larimer County Social Services. Our vet gave our name to the recruiter, saying, “If they treat a kid the same way they treat their dogs, they’ll be great parents.” I don’t know whether we have been great, but we tried.

Jack came into our home at 7-months. He filled the kid-sized hole in our hearts. It would take thousands of hours and hundreds of posts to unpack what has happened since. It hasn’t been easy and many, many adoptive parents will be able to relate to our story. With my son’s permission – and hopeful participation – we’ll tell our story. Because God chose us and Jack will change the world. He has changed ours.

Yesterday he turned 18. The picture that accompanies this post is plenty old. Over the last four or five years, he simply has forbidden me from taking his picture. He’s a teenager. I wanted to write my son a letter. Corny, I know, but I wanted to offer some advice. Let me share that letter here…

My dearest son,

Today you are legally an adult. Legally a man. I know there should be some big “fatherly advice” I should give you, but I am somewhat stumped for words. My dad wasn’t around when I turned 18. But I am here for you – always – I may not approve of your actions or decisions, but beginning today, those actions and decisions are legally yours.

You have heard everything I have had to say before but let me say those things again. How old you are does not make you a man. It has nothing to do with the number of years you have lived. It has everything to do with character. Not what you are (18, a rapper, a race car driver, a disc jockey, a county commissioner – that is what you are), but WHO you are (kind, loving, respectful, a man of integrity, a child of God).

I learned this lesson far too late in life – not until I got into my late 30’s and early 40’s. Please hear me, son, focus on who you are. Start here, son, with whom the Bible – who God – says you are. It says five things about WHO you are.

1. You are chosen: Ephesians 1: 4-5 says, “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” You have been chosen twice, son. Your mom and I chose you when we adopted you. God chose you to be part of our family and when you accepted Christ, God chose you again. Read that last line again, Jack – “This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” You son – YOU – bring God great pleasure. And you bring me great pleasure, too.

• You are holy: Colossians 1: 21-22 says, “This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” We are all sinners. God hates sin. But he loves us. Because of what Jesus did – die on the cross – our sins are taken away. When we accept Christ, God sees us as perfect – as HOLY – not because of us, but because when God sees us, he sees His son. You are holy, son.

• You are righteous: 2 Corinthians 5: 20-21 says, “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”  The last line says it, we are made right with God through Christ, so we are righteous – and that is amazing!

• You are justified: Romans (Romans is my favorite book of the Bible – it is amazing!) 5: 1 says, “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.” Justified means that we are “just, right, or reasonable.” Because we have accepted Christ, we are “just, right, or reasonable” – we are justified with God. We’re square. We’re even. Our debt is paid. It means we are okay with God. And if you are okay with the creator of the universe, you’re okay – you are justified – with anyone and anything in this world. It means you matter and that you have tremendous value, son.

• You are represented: Romans (my favorite book) 8: 3-4 says, “The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.” The Jewish people of the Old Testament were given God’s law through Moses. It’s something that they tried to obey, but it was difficult. Jesus came, lived perfectly, and then sacrificed himself so that we were made right in God’s eyes. In the eyes of God, you are represented by his Holy and perfect son, Jesus. That is amazing.

So, here’s who the bible says you are: Chosen, holy, righteous, justified, and represented. That’s enough for God, so that is more than enough for any person. Now, some advice from your old man:

• Commit yourself to the truth – God’s truth. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the light.” Be honest in all dealings and with everyone, son. Lies are a trap that you will never escape. Be honest. Be truthful. Make honesty the very core of who you are.

• Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Keep your word. Be a man of your word. If you say YES to something – DO IT! And don’t be afraid to tell people NO when their request of you is not right.

• Be kind. I don’t care how mean or rude someone is to you, show them kindness. When someone is mean or rude, it usually means that they are the ones hurting inside. Be kind. Let the face of Jesus shine through you.

• Treat people – ALL PEOPLE – well – with dignity and respect. They may not be worthy, in your assessment, but remember these things: We ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God. We all need mercy and grace. When you accept Christ, you represent the Savior of the World. Let people see the Jesus in you. That’s so important, son. Treat people well.

• Work hard – at everything. I have always said, “There will be people who are more talented than me. There will be people smarter than me. But no one – NO ONE – will out-work me.” Work hard, son.

• Your reputation Is everything – it’s all you have, son. Work hard at earning the respect of others. Be a man of your word. Act with honor and integrity.

• Put others ahead of yourself.

I thought I would share with you a couple of pictures that always make me smile. I know you don’t like pictures of when you were a kid, son, but I do. There are a couple when we had your fifth birthday celebration in Palm Desert at a barbecue restaurant you liked called Babe’s. There are a couple more from one of our trips to Hawaii.